Perfection Is Overrated
by Bradley Scott
“-The perfect-pedi makes your feet feel good as new! It’s so gentle – it won’t even burst a balloon. Now, you don’t have to pay for expensive salon treatments to get soft, silky feet-“
Wow, Kyle thought, I’ve got to get one of those.
He reached for the phone.
“Don’t even think about it.”
Kyle jumped and got tangled up in his blankets, and fell to the floor. He said some words that he was glad his mother wasn’t there to hear, and got up and saw Ted standing in the doorway.
“It’s useless junk that you’re just gonna throw away.” Ted smirked, “Oh, wait, it’s useless junk that I’m going to have to throw away for you.”
“Ha… ha. Jesus Ted. Give me a heart attack why don’t you.” Kyle got back on the couch. “If I bought it, I wouldn’t have to pay for pedicures anymore…. and it’s so gentle-“
“Oh come on. It’s not like you ever have money troubles. Here’s your credit card back, by the way.” Ted
“Thanks. You know it’s 3 am, right?”
“I do. Do you know you’re watching infomercials at 3am?”
“Yeah…. they kind of drew me in. Do you know they make duster’s that pick up dust with static electricity now?”
“How often do you dust, Kyle?”
“I could dust…”
“Sure.” Ted grinned widely. “Just like you could cook.”
Ted went over to the fridge, and opened the door.
“Want a coke?” He asked Kyle.
“At this time?” Kyle asked incrediously.
“You’re right – if we drink caffeine this late, we’ll be up into the early hours of the morning… oh wait.” He raised his eyebrows sarcastically at Kyle.
“Okay, fine, good point. Thanks.”
Ted passed Kyle the can and flopped down next to him. He grabbed the remote from where Kyle had left it lying and began to flip through the channels and check the recorded shows.
“Kyle, we have 5 shows recorded, all of which you’ve been too busy screwing Darren to watch. Why the hell are you watching infomercials?”
“I was weak.” Kyle winked, and laughed. He always got this oh-my-god-I’ve-got-to-have-it feeling whenever and infomercial came on.
It usually took him a week or two, which was basically the delivery period, to realise that he really didn’t need what he had bought.
“Right. How about Glee?”
“Meh.” Kyle sighed. “Too happy. And too much drama… Let’s watch Dexter.”
“Um…. Okay. Everybody’s favourite serial killer – why not?” Ted gave Kyle a sidelong look. “Something bothering you?”
“It’s Darren. He… acted really weird today. I’m worried about our relationship.”
“Your ‘Relationship’? Kyle, it’s been 3 days. And only just.”
“I know, I know…. but he’s…” Kyle sighed happily. “Special.”
Ted rolled his eyes. Although it stung him a bit – deep down. Darren was special. Ted gave himself a mental slap. He didn’t have time to moon over Darren. Not when he had a…. a situation of his own to deal with.
“Okay, fine. What did he do that was weird?”
“Well, he shoved me into a bookstore…. at first I thought… I donno. I thought he was just being goofy and random. But then…” His brow wrinkled in a frown. “That look on his face. He looked… Miserable. It was so weird. And then I looked outside and saw this guy….. very skinny. Great fashion sense. But totally faggy. Definitely gay.”
Ted nodded. He never knew how Kyle did it, but his gaydar was always spot on. Even in tough cases.
“So…. what did Darren say?”
“He said….. nothing. He said he didn’t want to talk about it. And he was kind of…. angry. What do you think?”
“Maybe an Ex. And maybe it was a bad break-up. Or a bad relationship. But Darren didn’t want to talk?”
“Yeah, maybe. And no – he didn’t. Which really freaked me out. Why didn’t he open up to me?” Kyle looked very put out.
“Okay, Kyle, I’m going to say it again. It’s been 3 days. Give him time. Ask him gently when he’s feeling better maybe.” Ted sighed. He had problems of his own – and one of those problems had been his inappropriate crush on his roommate’s new boyfriend. Until, of course, he’d found himself in the middle of a much bigger problem.
“Thanks Ted.” Kyle smiled. “You always know the right thing to say.”
“Yeah, guess I do.” Ted sighed again and patted Kyle on the shoulder.
“And, since you’re sighing like an asthma patient, I’m guessing you’ve got a problem too. Weren’t you gonna stay at…. Um… what’s-her-name’s tonight?”
“Um…. yeah.” Ted coughed nervously. “Whitney. That kind of fell through.”
“Awww, did the big, mean straight girl make advances on you again?” Kyle chuckled.
“NO. Would you stop that? Please. She was asleep by midnight. It’s something else.”
“Okay then. So tell me!” Kyle folded his legs on the couch, and turned to face Ted.
“Remember I went to Alexander’s last night and…. you know.”
“OH MY GOD!” Kyle hissed, doing his best not to scream in delight. “YOU WENT BACK TO ALEX’S AND HOOKED UP WITH YOUR BOYTOY AGAIN!”
“Slow down. That didn’t happen.”Kyle chuckled mischievously.
“What? Awww, Ted, you buzz-kill.” Kyle rolled his eyes. “So what did happen?”
“I…..well… um…. you know that guy? The one from the club? He’s….. he’s Whitney’s little brother.”
“Um.” Kyle looked confused. “Who’s Whitney?”
“Wh- The straight girl.” Ted scoffed impatiently. “I just said her name!”
“Oh… My… GOD!!!” Kyle bounced on the spot. He was giggling like a little girl. “That’s… that’s… that’s-” Kyle couldn’t get the sentence out he was laughing so hard. His whole body shook with silent laughter. He could barely breathe.
“Okay, shut up, this is actually a problem.” Ted was getting annoyed very quickly – Kyle could see that.
He stopped laughing and took in a few calming breaths. He couldn’t stop smiling though.
“Why’s it a problem? Is it all awkward around there now.”
“Um… not quite. He… came on to me again.” Ted blushed bright red.
It took every ounce of self-control that Kyle had to stop himself from laughing.
“You are such a girl. Why, oh why, is that a problem?”
“Because he’s 16! He’s under-age. I don’t wanna go to jail.”
Kyle couldn’t help himself this time. The expression on Ted’s face set him off laughing again. It took him much longer to calm down this time, and when he wiped the tears from his eyes, he saw Ted scowling at him, arms crossed.
“Awww, come on. Jail isn’t that bad. Free food, free lodging, free gym, no distractions… all the sex you want.” Kyle winked. “And, of course, all the sex you don’t want…”
“Oh come on. You’re not going to go to jail, Ted. Live a little. He’s 16 – he’s gone through puberty and he’s just as horny as you are.”
“I know but…. Whitney’s my friend.”
“HAH! Hypocrite! Let me quote you: ‘It’s been 3 days’! You’re seriously not telling me that a three day old friendship trumps the possibility of having sex, are you?”
“No, I…” Ted blushed. “It’s just that-“
“OH MY GOD! You WHORE! You’ve slept with him already! While your fag-hag was sleeping! That’s so wrong!…” Kyle bit his lip, smiling broadly. “I’ve never been more proud of you in my life.”
“How do you do that???” Ted had a horrified look on his face.
“It’s a gift.” Kyle chuckled mischievously. Ted was so easy to read. It’s one of the things Kyle loved about him.
“Right. Well… I didn’t really have a choice. He kind of…”
“Forced you?” Kyle began giggling again. “Do you want me to bring out a doll so you can show me where he touched you?”
“Shut up. He’s… very aggressive.” Ted smiled. “It’s kind of hot.”
“Details, Ted, details.”
“He pushed me up again the wall and whispered in my ear that he wanted me to ‘fuck’ him, and he…” Ted blushed. “Okay, I can’t do this. I don’t know why I’m even trying… I’m going to bed.”
Ted got up off the couch, and put his drink on the coffee table.
“NO! It was just getting good! Don’t stop…. Please.” Kyle grabbed Ted’s arm and begged. “Oooh, did he say that at some point in the night? TELL ME!”
“Okay, fine, fine. Be like that.” Kyle crossed his arms.
Ted just shook his head and headed to his room.
Kyle looked over at the TV.
“-The Comfort-Pedic slipper uses memory foam that molds perfectly to your foot, easing the pressure an your heel and the ball of your foot. Because the foam is memory foam, it returns to it’s original shape – making the comfort pedic both a comfortable and durable choice-“
Kyle reached over and grabbed the phone. He had to have those slippers.
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